Tag Archives: trapped

Your Lion On A Leash

Although nobody ever sees him, you walk this world accompanied by a lion on a leash.

Most of the time your fierce, ferocious lion is very well behaved. He saunters beside you, you hardly even notice he’s there. He’s your silent companion. He makes you feel safe, most of the time. He makes you feel beautifully, heroically tragic. He makes you feel unique. ┬áHe keeps you company at night.

You hold on to his leash tightly at all times. You cling to his frightening, but familiar presence. You need him. Even though every now and then he gets pretty darn mean.

Sometimes you lose control of your lion on a leash. His roar rattles you, his teeth glint in the sunlight and threaten you, his wild stare breaks your heart.

In these moments, you wish your lion and you had never met.

In these moments, you wish more than anything that you could figure out how to let him go.

But you remain bound to him with that twisting, burning, invisible leash. You struggle to tame his wild fury. Nobody else notices a thing.

In desperation, you feed him until he’s satisfied, and once again at peace by your side. You sigh with relief.

Nobody knows you better than your lion on a leash. He is your most intimate friend. He owns the most vulnerable parts of your soul.

You relish him. You love him. You fear him. You loathe him.

Whether his name is Perceived Failure, Heartbreak, Grief, Traumatic Life Experience, Regret, or Anger,

your lion does not belong bound to you on a leash.

He isn’t meant to be a secret, chained forever to you.

Your lion has taught you strength. Your lion has taught you courage. Your lion will forever be a part of who you are.

He isn’t you though.

You’ve got to stop feeding him. You’ve got to set him free, before one day his wild rage devours you whole.

You will never forget him, and he may never be fully done with you.

But never give up trying to set him free.

He doesn’t belong bound to you with a leash.

*************************************************

Thank you for reading.

Be Brave, and Talk

 

 

 

I Am Safe With You

The most heartbreaking lies, the ones that in the end cause the most sorrow, are the ones we tell ourselves.

A while ago, I wrote about the ways people hide. This poem describes a hiding place I failed to mention before: in unhealthy/ one sided relationships.

I dedicate this to everyone who has ever had the courage to leave an unhealthy situation.

I dedicate this to everyone who is in need of just a little bit more courage to break free.

Follow your heart. Trust in your heart. You are worthy of real love. You deserve a chance at weak-in-the-knees, vulnerable, scary, unselfish, jumping-for-joy love.

**********************************************

I Am Safe With You:

She adds more mascara
Sips on her predrink all alone
Angles around in the mirror
Satisfied with skin and bone
She’s excited to be going
She wants to be seen
She wants the envy of other girls
But confident, she’s never been
He’s picked her up, he’s made her hot
He doesn’t show tonight
She takes off her shoes, checks her watch
Tells herself it’s alright
She takes a deep breath
She drinks a stiff drink
She is comfortable with this
She ignores the screams somewhere in her head,
And thinks to herself instead

I am safe with you
As long as you are happy, so am I
I just look the part, play the role
Smile into the mirror and pretend I am whole
You never have to grieve if you never say goodbye
You never fear failure, if you never even try

She stares up at the ceiling
Rolls over in a crowded bed
She considers going home
Snuggles up to him instead
He’s her main companion
Without him, she’d have no friends
Since he’s wanted by so many others,
Her need to prove herself never ends
He often makes her do things
She doesn’t want to do
Tells herself the lack of feeling
Is because the love’s no longer new
She gets out of bed
She drinks a stiff drink
She is comfortable with this
She ignores the screams somewhere in her head,
And thinks to herself instead

I am safe with you
If you are not happy, I am not
I try my best for you, let you twist my arm
Ignore the guilty thoughts that swarm
I laugh extra hard to make sure I’m not caught
Deep down I know it’s yours, the sole identity I’ve got

She drops him off some money
Although he mocks, and he sneers
He says that she deserves it
And cracks another beer
He shows up in early morning
He threatens suicide
She gives in to him once more
To keep him alive
He clings to her tightly
He begs her not to leave
“Tell me you love me”
“Make me believe”
She gets out of bed
She drinks a stiff drink
She’s not comfortable with this
She listens to the screams that fill her head,
And says to him instead,

I am trapped with you
You are not happy, and neither am I
I dread the part, despise the role
Cry into the mirror and long to be whole
I’m scared of where I’ll be when I reach freedom from this lie
I might achieve failure, but I know I’ve got to try

Be Brave, and Talk